Sunday, March 7, 2010
Changing the look, again
I had to revert to a standard template here. I don't like it but it seems all the HTML codes on the custom templates are defective and redirect traffic. I hope someone at google is working on this. So, for the moment, a less than stellar page.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A little self compassion
With kindness, with love and compassion, with this feeling that is the essence of brotherhood, sisterhood, one will have inner peace.
Dalai Lama
Compassion is something many of us strive to achieve. It means that we can feel, empathize, and understand another's suffering and physical or emotional pain. But often we fail to have this same compassion with ourselves. When we fail at something our little voice tells us we are failures or stupid and that we should give up. Nothing could be further from the truth. Failure and mistakes are part of life. This is what we tell our friends and family when we comfort them during troubled times. Failures and mistakes, while part of our existence, are not what defines us. They are but one facet of a multi-faceted existence. So what can we do to take our own advice, to apply some of that compassion to ourselves?
We need to consider a few things here; We make mistakes! It's true but what does it really mean? It means we are like everyone else and it's OK to be that way. As human beings we are more alike than different anyway. When we do not accept ourselves, when we deny ourselves compassion we are separating from the world. By doing so we remain in our compassion-less space, alone.
There is a simple question I have my clients ask themselves at moments like this; "What would you say to your friend in this same situation?" Then take your own advice. Self compassion occurs when we examine our failures and disappointments without criticism or judgment. We say to ourselves "I made a mistake" or "I failed at this thing that was important to me." Recognizing the reality is the first step. Step two is offering the understanding and comfort you would to a friend and knowing you deserve that much. Acknowledging that you are not perfect but that this failure or disappointment is momentary. Also bear in mind you are not alone and perhaps you can reach out to someone who shares this experience to find out how he or she overcame it.
Self-compassion is an important part of the journey toward growth. Without it we get stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and punishments. We begin to actually believe that we deserve all the hardships and disappoinments. Instead, what we could be doing is using these experiences as challenges to learn and to grow from. To recognize our own humanity and accept it. You owe it to yourself to apply the same compassion that you have given so freely to others.
If you would like some guidance toward your goal of self comapssion and self acceptance please contact me, I'd love to be a part of that.
Please leave your thoughts and comments, I'd love to hear the lessons you've learned while on this journey.
Dalai Lama
Compassion is something many of us strive to achieve. It means that we can feel, empathize, and understand another's suffering and physical or emotional pain. But often we fail to have this same compassion with ourselves. When we fail at something our little voice tells us we are failures or stupid and that we should give up. Nothing could be further from the truth. Failure and mistakes are part of life. This is what we tell our friends and family when we comfort them during troubled times. Failures and mistakes, while part of our existence, are not what defines us. They are but one facet of a multi-faceted existence. So what can we do to take our own advice, to apply some of that compassion to ourselves?
We need to consider a few things here; We make mistakes! It's true but what does it really mean? It means we are like everyone else and it's OK to be that way. As human beings we are more alike than different anyway. When we do not accept ourselves, when we deny ourselves compassion we are separating from the world. By doing so we remain in our compassion-less space, alone.
There is a simple question I have my clients ask themselves at moments like this; "What would you say to your friend in this same situation?" Then take your own advice. Self compassion occurs when we examine our failures and disappointments without criticism or judgment. We say to ourselves "I made a mistake" or "I failed at this thing that was important to me." Recognizing the reality is the first step. Step two is offering the understanding and comfort you would to a friend and knowing you deserve that much. Acknowledging that you are not perfect but that this failure or disappointment is momentary. Also bear in mind you are not alone and perhaps you can reach out to someone who shares this experience to find out how he or she overcame it.
Self-compassion is an important part of the journey toward growth. Without it we get stuck in a loop of negative thoughts and punishments. We begin to actually believe that we deserve all the hardships and disappoinments. Instead, what we could be doing is using these experiences as challenges to learn and to grow from. To recognize our own humanity and accept it. You owe it to yourself to apply the same compassion that you have given so freely to others.
If you would like some guidance toward your goal of self comapssion and self acceptance please contact me, I'd love to be a part of that.
Please leave your thoughts and comments, I'd love to hear the lessons you've learned while on this journey.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Bold Steps Toward Making Change Happen
"Freedom lies in being bold. "
Robert Frost
What does it mean to take a bold step? Sometimes in certain situations baby steps are required. For example, when you begin a new exercise regimen you can't go full blast or you could get injured. But taking that first step toward any change IS BOLD!
In any new endeavor the boldest step you can take is the first step. It's why the procrastinator will start their diet tomorrow. They don't take bold steps toward anything. Once you take the first step you are committed. The outcome may be unknown, you may succeed, you may fail you just don't know. But if you are envisioning change and success that first bold step must be taken.
Worrying about the worst possible outcome does nothing to move you toward your intended goal. Telling yourself that considering the negative outcome is preparing for it "just in case" is important. As the saying goes say "hope for the best, prepare for the worst." Great, that's why they make insurance.
But to be successful you must envision your success; to see your life as it will be when success is accomplished and to know what life will look like for you when your dream comes true. The only way for that to happen is to keep your focus on that outcome. Believe in your vision, whatever it may be, and take that first BOLD step and you'll be on your way to fearlessley making your vision a reality!
Robert Frost
What does it mean to take a bold step? Sometimes in certain situations baby steps are required. For example, when you begin a new exercise regimen you can't go full blast or you could get injured. But taking that first step toward any change IS BOLD!
In any new endeavor the boldest step you can take is the first step. It's why the procrastinator will start their diet tomorrow. They don't take bold steps toward anything. Once you take the first step you are committed. The outcome may be unknown, you may succeed, you may fail you just don't know. But if you are envisioning change and success that first bold step must be taken.
Worrying about the worst possible outcome does nothing to move you toward your intended goal. Telling yourself that considering the negative outcome is preparing for it "just in case" is important. As the saying goes say "hope for the best, prepare for the worst." Great, that's why they make insurance.
But to be successful you must envision your success; to see your life as it will be when success is accomplished and to know what life will look like for you when your dream comes true. The only way for that to happen is to keep your focus on that outcome. Believe in your vision, whatever it may be, and take that first BOLD step and you'll be on your way to fearlessley making your vision a reality!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
New Workshops Scheduled
I have two new workshops scheduled and I'm very excited about them. Both are taking place at the Center for Relaxation & Healing at Plainsboro. But you don't have be involved with the center to attend these workshops. These two workshops are all about becoming empowered in the everyday.
Workshop 1: Creating Positive Relationships with Food - February 22, 2010 from 7:00pm to 8:30 pm. This workshop is about you finding your inner strengths and the truly unlimited options that you possess to cope with stressful and emotional events in your life.
Workshop 2: Creating Your Visual Empowerment Map. My previous post referred to this as a Visual Empowerment Plan. I have decided to go with "map" because it's more intuitive. March 7, 2010, from 11:00am to 1:00pm. This is a 2 hour workshop, hands on, where you get to start creating your VEM.
RSVP and registration is required for both workshops. Please go to my website to the Calendar tab for more details. See you there!
Workshop 1: Creating Positive Relationships with Food - February 22, 2010 from 7:00pm to 8:30 pm. This workshop is about you finding your inner strengths and the truly unlimited options that you possess to cope with stressful and emotional events in your life.
Workshop 2: Creating Your Visual Empowerment Map. My previous post referred to this as a Visual Empowerment Plan. I have decided to go with "map" because it's more intuitive. March 7, 2010, from 11:00am to 1:00pm. This is a 2 hour workshop, hands on, where you get to start creating your VEM.
RSVP and registration is required for both workshops. Please go to my website to the Calendar tab for more details. See you there!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
New Look
Hi all,
Welcome to my new look. I hope you like it. I think it's a little more relaxed and natural looking and feeling. I am not yet skilled at developing my own backgrounds and templates but I'll get there.
DD
Welcome to my new look. I hope you like it. I think it's a little more relaxed and natural looking and feeling. I am not yet skilled at developing my own backgrounds and templates but I'll get there.
DD
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Visual Empowerment Plan
So I am starting a new project and I'm pretty excited about it. I am excited for a few reasons. First, because it's really something brand new that I have not done before. Also because it's fun and I get to have workshops and seminars on this topic. It's life coaching meets arts and crafts! If you have ever heard of or seen a vision board you'll understand that a Visual Empowerment Plan is something like that but goes a little further. Vision boards are great and they keep us focused on our goals and on winning our games, whatever they may be. Vision boards help to activate certain thinking patterns which is also known as Law of Attraction.
I have found, however, that many people confuse Law of Attraction with just thinking positive and good thoughts. That's really only part of it. Law of Attraction is so much more. I have heard some naysayers go on about how it sets us up for disappointment because bad things really do happen sometimes. But Law of Attraction isn't what they say it is. If you look back at my first blog about reframing words and ideas to be positive you'll see a very simple method of how it works. It's not about ignoring or pretending something isn't happening or hoping it will go away if you don't pay attention to it. It's about changing your perspective. In other words, opening up for the positive. When you remove the words or ideas that elicit negative emotions and replace them with positive one's you attract not just positive events but also a more optimistic outlook. It's not about lying to yourself but it is about making sure that you are paying attention to what's good out there. You "attract" positive people and circumstances not because you've magically made them appear but because you are now attentive to their existence. Plus, of course we know that happy begets happy. Smiles are contagious and so is confidence and optimism.
What better way to make that happen than by creating your own Visual Empowerment Plan. This is not just a vision board. It's not about cutting out pictures and words that remind you of your goal and motivate you to reach it. This is more. A Visual Empowerment Plan is your map that begins today and takes you through to your goal. It doesn't have a timeframe unless you want it to. It does contain some vision board elements, like a board and pictures. But there is more power in it than that. On your Visual Empowerment Plan you include not just representations of what you want but representations of what you have, what you need, and what you'll do.
If you want to achieve better health a picture of healthy food or smaller bathing suit isn't enough. You will look at your Visual Empowerment Plan and be inspired to utilize all the tools you have. To go certain places, engage with certain people, have specific experiences, etc. So here is an outline and I am deliberately keeping it somewhat vague because this is YOUR Visual Empowerment Plan and it's your creation.
Of course you need a board or something. If you are really creative and have a home office, dedicate an entire wall to this - go wild! Here is the part that is similar to a vision board. Pictures, photos, cut outs, prints from the internet - whatever - of things that represent your goal (health, finance, relationships...). Ok that's it for similarities.
Here's what else you should include. Representations of skills, knowledge, inspirations, people, places that are already part of your life that will help you reach your goal (family, friends, partner, meditation center...). Something that represents your progress. When you look at your Visual Empowerment Plan you are not only motivated to reach your goal but learn to appreciate who you are, what you have that inspires you, and acknowledge your achievements or how far you've come. How you choose to have these things represented is up to you. You can use photos, you can draw, paint, use crayons anything that expresses who you are.
There is only one hard and fast rule with any of these plans. Nothing negative! No red circle with a line through it, none of that. Only images of your strenghts, the people and places that elevate you and build those strengths or teach you new one's, and the goal. Your plan can be huge (a wall) or poster sized and it can include as many or as few images as you like. But it must elicit those positive emotions that inspire and motivate you to achieve whatever it is you plan.
Oh, one last thing. There is no time frame to create your Visual Empowerment Plan. Take an hour, a weekend, a week, whatever, but complete it. And feel free to change it or make a new one with every new goal.
Now have some fun and let me know how it goes!
I have found, however, that many people confuse Law of Attraction with just thinking positive and good thoughts. That's really only part of it. Law of Attraction is so much more. I have heard some naysayers go on about how it sets us up for disappointment because bad things really do happen sometimes. But Law of Attraction isn't what they say it is. If you look back at my first blog about reframing words and ideas to be positive you'll see a very simple method of how it works. It's not about ignoring or pretending something isn't happening or hoping it will go away if you don't pay attention to it. It's about changing your perspective. In other words, opening up for the positive. When you remove the words or ideas that elicit negative emotions and replace them with positive one's you attract not just positive events but also a more optimistic outlook. It's not about lying to yourself but it is about making sure that you are paying attention to what's good out there. You "attract" positive people and circumstances not because you've magically made them appear but because you are now attentive to their existence. Plus, of course we know that happy begets happy. Smiles are contagious and so is confidence and optimism.
What better way to make that happen than by creating your own Visual Empowerment Plan. This is not just a vision board. It's not about cutting out pictures and words that remind you of your goal and motivate you to reach it. This is more. A Visual Empowerment Plan is your map that begins today and takes you through to your goal. It doesn't have a timeframe unless you want it to. It does contain some vision board elements, like a board and pictures. But there is more power in it than that. On your Visual Empowerment Plan you include not just representations of what you want but representations of what you have, what you need, and what you'll do.
If you want to achieve better health a picture of healthy food or smaller bathing suit isn't enough. You will look at your Visual Empowerment Plan and be inspired to utilize all the tools you have. To go certain places, engage with certain people, have specific experiences, etc. So here is an outline and I am deliberately keeping it somewhat vague because this is YOUR Visual Empowerment Plan and it's your creation.
Of course you need a board or something. If you are really creative and have a home office, dedicate an entire wall to this - go wild! Here is the part that is similar to a vision board. Pictures, photos, cut outs, prints from the internet - whatever - of things that represent your goal (health, finance, relationships...). Ok that's it for similarities.
Here's what else you should include. Representations of skills, knowledge, inspirations, people, places that are already part of your life that will help you reach your goal (family, friends, partner, meditation center...). Something that represents your progress. When you look at your Visual Empowerment Plan you are not only motivated to reach your goal but learn to appreciate who you are, what you have that inspires you, and acknowledge your achievements or how far you've come. How you choose to have these things represented is up to you. You can use photos, you can draw, paint, use crayons anything that expresses who you are.
There is only one hard and fast rule with any of these plans. Nothing negative! No red circle with a line through it, none of that. Only images of your strenghts, the people and places that elevate you and build those strengths or teach you new one's, and the goal. Your plan can be huge (a wall) or poster sized and it can include as many or as few images as you like. But it must elicit those positive emotions that inspire and motivate you to achieve whatever it is you plan.
Oh, one last thing. There is no time frame to create your Visual Empowerment Plan. Take an hour, a weekend, a week, whatever, but complete it. And feel free to change it or make a new one with every new goal.
Now have some fun and let me know how it goes!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
New Years Resolution
2009 is ending, 2010 is beginning and most of us are probably sitting around making a New Year's Resolution. Will it be weightloss, more patience with family, saving more money, etc...
The funny thing about resolutions is that most of us rarely stick to them. Sure they sound good for a few weeks but then we fall back into old habits. It's not because those resolutions aren't great ideas. Health and fitness and better finances are the most popular resolutions. But often we lack the support to maintain these resolutions. If we say we aren't going to fight with our loved ones, do we remember to tell them and get their buy in? If we say we are going to get healthy and eat right are we sticking to the grocery list when we shop (sticking to the list also saves money)?
New Year's resolutions are not impossible, out there pipe dreams. They are desires and goals that can be achieved. But no man is an island and often these resolutions fall by the wayside because we are not telling people. Studies show that by making statements about our decisions, out loud and to others, we are more likely to stick to them. Resolutions are no different. If you tell your friends and coworkers your plan is to eat healthier this year and then you don't, someone may say something. Instead of saying "wow that was a snide remark" remember it's your promise to yourself. OK, I know, they don't have to say it like that, but the message is probably true.
Regardless of your resolution this year you can make it work if you want to. Oftentimes we take the easy way out and fall back on old habits because they are comfortable. Stepping into the great unknown of new health or better relationships is intimidating. But the end result is in fact good health or healthier relationships. So why be afraid of it?
Of course solid support helps. Not everyone has it though. So if people undermine your diet or provoke arguments you need to build up some type of resistance.
With that I'd like to make a suggestion. Instead of making another half hearted resolution about not eating cake try this; Make your resolution to not let other's get to you (Self acceptance training can help). If you can do that, in six months you'll feel so much better about your decisions that you can start that diet or minimize family arguments.
Let's close the book on this last decade and start the next one with optimisim and the belief that we can achieve our goals. Once you believe in yourself you can make anything happen. Say goodbye to 2009 and hello to the rest of your life.
Happy New Year!
The funny thing about resolutions is that most of us rarely stick to them. Sure they sound good for a few weeks but then we fall back into old habits. It's not because those resolutions aren't great ideas. Health and fitness and better finances are the most popular resolutions. But often we lack the support to maintain these resolutions. If we say we aren't going to fight with our loved ones, do we remember to tell them and get their buy in? If we say we are going to get healthy and eat right are we sticking to the grocery list when we shop (sticking to the list also saves money)?
New Year's resolutions are not impossible, out there pipe dreams. They are desires and goals that can be achieved. But no man is an island and often these resolutions fall by the wayside because we are not telling people. Studies show that by making statements about our decisions, out loud and to others, we are more likely to stick to them. Resolutions are no different. If you tell your friends and coworkers your plan is to eat healthier this year and then you don't, someone may say something. Instead of saying "wow that was a snide remark" remember it's your promise to yourself. OK, I know, they don't have to say it like that, but the message is probably true.
Regardless of your resolution this year you can make it work if you want to. Oftentimes we take the easy way out and fall back on old habits because they are comfortable. Stepping into the great unknown of new health or better relationships is intimidating. But the end result is in fact good health or healthier relationships. So why be afraid of it?
Of course solid support helps. Not everyone has it though. So if people undermine your diet or provoke arguments you need to build up some type of resistance.
With that I'd like to make a suggestion. Instead of making another half hearted resolution about not eating cake try this; Make your resolution to not let other's get to you (Self acceptance training can help). If you can do that, in six months you'll feel so much better about your decisions that you can start that diet or minimize family arguments.
Let's close the book on this last decade and start the next one with optimisim and the belief that we can achieve our goals. Once you believe in yourself you can make anything happen. Say goodbye to 2009 and hello to the rest of your life.
Happy New Year!
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