Monday, July 6, 2009

C'mon Get Happy

Spring has turned to summer rather quickly in the northeast. We went from cold to beautiful warm weather to hot and humid in no time. These abrupt changes coupled with the temperature rise can make us irritable and cranky. We get sunburned, and end up staying inside in the nice cool air conditioning. But that’s no better than the winter days cooped up with the heat turned high. It's time to get outside and don’t forget the sunscreen.


Sunlight produces Vitamin D, which can help keep your mood elevated. Once outside you can take a few minutes to get to your happy place. This can sound like a silly phrase but your happy place belongs to you so reclaim it. Psychologists have long known that fun and happiness are essential to our ability to function. But we don’t need anyone to actually tell us that. We know instinctively that fun and happiness are important experiences. Smiling and laughing are not learned behaviors. These are responses we are born knowing how to do. When things don't go according to plan and lead to frustration follow these steps to get back to your happiness. Here are some ideas to keep us smiling.


  • Remind yourself that it's OK to feel good-don't feel guilty for being happy, and laugh.

  • Take a few minutes and write down at least five things that make you genuinely happy.
  • Do at least one thing that brings you real joy every day.

  • Go through some old photos and frame some of the silly one's. Change them up every now and then.

  • Put negative events in perspective. What do they really mean in the grand scheme of things? You may be surprised by the answer.

  • Acknowledge your small successes every day like “I got out of bed on time!”(no small achievement for the late sleepers), or learning to cook a new dish, or changing a tire for the first time and especially for you dads, teaching your kids how to change that tire.


These are just a few examples of things you can do or may already be doing. Reminding ourselves of the value of these behaviors is a big step. Follow these simple rules each and every day and your happy place will always be waiting for you.



Mindfulness can also help you remain calm and regain your happiness controls. In simple terms this includes an awareness of one's body, the sensations, and sensory input happening around and within you. It also includes opening your mind and listening to your inner narrative while discarding judgments that usually accompany that narrative. Make your actions intentional. Be mindful of what your next step is and its purpose. Then direct that next step toward your happiness.

Take a fifteen minute walk in the afternoon sun. Make time for this each day and practice finding your happiness and being mindful. Alone time is a powerful reset button and one that should be utilized and you don’t have to actually be alone for it. You can be in a park or meditation center too.

Have some tricks of your own? Please feel free to share your happiness hints. Thanks for reading.











    Friday, July 3, 2009

    Rephrasing for a positive message

    Well folks, we've all heard it said, "it's not what you say it's how you say it." Part of creating a welcoming and positive attitude in our lives is to use the words that convey that message to others. Sure sometimes we want to be blunt and get to the point, and that's OK when that manner of communication is warranted. However, if this is your main style of communication you may have encountered some resistance to your ideas and attitudes.

    The "glass is half full" manner of communication can also be hooked into this blunt style. By focusing on what you don't have, or feeling it necessary to point out the obviously negative to others is, to be blunt, a downer. But worse prevents us from appreciating the good things around us.

    We human beings are equipped to overcome many hardships. We have the gift of reason and analysis. The ability to rephrase is an extension of these gifts. Rephrasing is an important tool in maintaining or recapturing your positivity. Rephrasing can be done in just about any situation even one's that seem particularly dire.

    While some people may accuse you of living in a fantasy world for going along as if everything is perfect, the reality is you are just staying positive. I'm not suggesting that in order to be positive we ignore the negative aspects of events. But keeping that perspective in the forefront of your mind is not going to make them any less negative. Remembering your "blessings," your strengths, your achievements will enable you, and those around you to recognize good things when they happen and positive opportunities when they arise.

    There are some questions we can ask ourselves before we speak to insure that we maintain some positivity. Using the right words can set the tone for your message to others. Ask yourself: What is it that I want the receiver of my message to "hear?"
    What do I want them to think, feel, conclude?
    How do I want them to respond to my message?

    I wanted to post some examples here but I'd rather let you have some practice with it. Take a few moments and think of either a negative thought you had/repeated, or something someone said to you that didn't feel right. Post it here in a response. Let's see how many ways we can change that statement for a positive message that still gets the point across.

    Thanks for reading.