Balance is one of the most important parts of our lives and it is one of the most misunderstood parts as well. Many people have the tendency to view balance as a black and white issue, not just the give and take of life. For example, when good things happen to you and all around you, it's not uncommon to worry about when it will go away, or when something not so good is going to happen.
But balance is really a game of opportunities, not opposites. If we imagine a scale, not a bathroom scale, but the scales of justice. We have the blindfolded woman holding a scale in her left and right hand. One of those scales is you, the other scale is the world. When you receive good things, they weigh your side down, it's wonderful, but it can be overwhelming. But when failure and disappointment come your way, they still end up on your scale. That's not balance. It's being on the receiving end, constantly. Recognizing opportunities to give back to the world is how real balance is created.
There is an unfortunate truth that good things can be shared but disappointments are tailor made. That's actually not a bad thing because when we feel disappointed or hurt we don't really want to make others feel that way. Those negative situations should not stop you from being in balance and taking advantage of opportunities. You can still create balance by recognizing opportunities to give positive feedback, encouragement, volunteer your time, and any number of things to even out the scales.
So when you are experiencing all the great things the world has to offer, don't worry about something bad, be aware of the opportunity to share with the world and remain in balance.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Unknown Unknowns
This past week there was a five part series on a phenomenon called Anosognosia in the New York Times by Errol Morris. Anosognosia is the term used for people who have a brain injury that causes paralysis AND also leaves them unaware of the paralysis. This is interesting because when you ask someone with this condition to move their paralyzed limb they will simply give you a reason why they do not need to, rather than say "oh you know I can't do that, it's paralyzed." The question for psychiatrists is whether this is part of the injury or some other deeply ingrained defense mechanism. So far the jury is still out.
This got me thinking about ways in which we are unaware of things as well. Don Rumsfeld, several years ago used the phrase "Unknown Unknowns." Some people scoffed at the usage but it has important ramifications, especially in our everyday life. We operate under three conditions:
Known - Knowns; which is the stuff we are aware of and know fully.
Known - Unknowns; which is stuff we are aware of but have no knowledge about (like how to fly a plane or perform brain surgery)
Unknown - Unknowns; these are things in which we aren't even aware of their existence AND we don't know that we are unware of them. A good example of this I think comes from the banking industry. Prior to 2008 few people had heard of a credit default swap and didn't know they'd never heard of it. That is an unknown unknown. Once we heard of it, it became a known unknown. Another exmaple; remember as a child when you first began school. You knew there was such a thing as the alphabet and math but you were very likely unaware of calculus, nor were you aware that you were unaware of it. At some point during middle school or high school the word and concept became known to you, etc.
So what does this all mean? Most of our day is spent operating within the parameters of known knowns, and known unknowns. Sometimes we turn those unknowns (perhaps learning to fly a plane) into a known. But we are often completely oblivious to the fact that we could randomly learn about something that we currently have no idea of it's existence. Sounds confusing? It doesn't need to be. When we find out about something years later (like those default swaps) we say, "why didn't I know that?" or "I can't believe I trusted that guy with my money!" But rather than experiencing guilt or anger at the unknown unknown, it's important to recognize that at the time you made a decision, you made it with all the knowledge that was available to you at that time.
My challenge to you now is, seek out an unknown unknown. How can you do that? In many ways in fact and the internet is a wonderful place to start. Choose a phrase or a period in history or subject like Physics and do a search. You are bound to come across something that makes you think "I never knew that, and I never knew I didn't know it." You can make this journey of discovery fun. Be open, be in learner mode and you'll begin to recognize when something goes from being an unknown unknown to a known unknown and ultimately a known known.
link to the NYT article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/the-anosognosics-dilemma-1/?scp=1&sq=anosognosia&st=cse
This got me thinking about ways in which we are unaware of things as well. Don Rumsfeld, several years ago used the phrase "Unknown Unknowns." Some people scoffed at the usage but it has important ramifications, especially in our everyday life. We operate under three conditions:
Known - Knowns; which is the stuff we are aware of and know fully.
Known - Unknowns; which is stuff we are aware of but have no knowledge about (like how to fly a plane or perform brain surgery)
Unknown - Unknowns; these are things in which we aren't even aware of their existence AND we don't know that we are unware of them. A good example of this I think comes from the banking industry. Prior to 2008 few people had heard of a credit default swap and didn't know they'd never heard of it. That is an unknown unknown. Once we heard of it, it became a known unknown. Another exmaple; remember as a child when you first began school. You knew there was such a thing as the alphabet and math but you were very likely unaware of calculus, nor were you aware that you were unaware of it. At some point during middle school or high school the word and concept became known to you, etc.
So what does this all mean? Most of our day is spent operating within the parameters of known knowns, and known unknowns. Sometimes we turn those unknowns (perhaps learning to fly a plane) into a known. But we are often completely oblivious to the fact that we could randomly learn about something that we currently have no idea of it's existence. Sounds confusing? It doesn't need to be. When we find out about something years later (like those default swaps) we say, "why didn't I know that?" or "I can't believe I trusted that guy with my money!" But rather than experiencing guilt or anger at the unknown unknown, it's important to recognize that at the time you made a decision, you made it with all the knowledge that was available to you at that time.
My challenge to you now is, seek out an unknown unknown. How can you do that? In many ways in fact and the internet is a wonderful place to start. Choose a phrase or a period in history or subject like Physics and do a search. You are bound to come across something that makes you think "I never knew that, and I never knew I didn't know it." You can make this journey of discovery fun. Be open, be in learner mode and you'll begin to recognize when something goes from being an unknown unknown to a known unknown and ultimately a known known.
link to the NYT article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/the-anosognosics-dilemma-1/?scp=1&sq=anosognosia&st=cse
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Here's to your health
I don't normally blog about specific health information. But I came across an article written by Dr. Christiane Northrup today and I had to share it. Although she is an Ob/gyn and writes books titled Women's Bodies/Women's Wisdom (which I do recommend), the information she provides in this article is really for anyone.
Please take a look, also you can catch her on TV talking about this very topic.
Here's to your health!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christiane-northrup/osteoporosis-treatment-a_b_585528.html
Please take a look, also you can catch her on TV talking about this very topic.
Here's to your health!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christiane-northrup/osteoporosis-treatment-a_b_585528.html
Monday, May 17, 2010
Expectations...
I was interviewd this week by tennis and mental toughness coach Ed Tseng. We talked about expectations. Expectations are an interesting thing because we live by them very often and more often they are the source of our stress. We either live up to them or we do not, other's live up to ours or they do not. We tend to forgive our friends and family for not living up to our expectations but we are often much harder on ourselves. This goes back to self compassion and self kindness. Are you creating realistic expectations for yourself? Are you being honest about the results of living up to them?
It's important to set goals for yourself and create expectations around those goals. These could be small goals such as daily living endeavors, clean the house, do the laundry, meet with your boss or employees, etc. They could be more future oriented goals such as complete a project and ask for a raise, lose weight, or things of that nature. But what are you saying to yourself in the event that one of these expectations is not met? Are you spending energy on self judgment, name calling, or ruminating on what you did? If you are, then you are being extremely unkind to yourself. When you expend all that energy on the negative, "I'm stupid, why did I do it that way, I can't believe I said that..." you are no longer in a goal reaching state of mind and you've now created a new set of expectations for yourself "I expect to fail!"
Instead, be in "learner mode." Be open and honest about the situation and be ready to create a plan around re-establishing your goal and new expectations about how to reach it. Spending time punishing yourself is using energy and brain power that could be used toward creating a new and better result. So first determine if you are setting realistic expectations for yourself. Then ask yourself if it's useful to beat yourself up or is it more useful to use that energy to move forward.
Please share your experiences about changing expectations for yourself. I'd love to hear about them.
It's important to set goals for yourself and create expectations around those goals. These could be small goals such as daily living endeavors, clean the house, do the laundry, meet with your boss or employees, etc. They could be more future oriented goals such as complete a project and ask for a raise, lose weight, or things of that nature. But what are you saying to yourself in the event that one of these expectations is not met? Are you spending energy on self judgment, name calling, or ruminating on what you did? If you are, then you are being extremely unkind to yourself. When you expend all that energy on the negative, "I'm stupid, why did I do it that way, I can't believe I said that..." you are no longer in a goal reaching state of mind and you've now created a new set of expectations for yourself "I expect to fail!"
Instead, be in "learner mode." Be open and honest about the situation and be ready to create a plan around re-establishing your goal and new expectations about how to reach it. Spending time punishing yourself is using energy and brain power that could be used toward creating a new and better result. So first determine if you are setting realistic expectations for yourself. Then ask yourself if it's useful to beat yourself up or is it more useful to use that energy to move forward.
Please share your experiences about changing expectations for yourself. I'd love to hear about them.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Here I go...springing
Since I decided to put my Visual empowerment map idea into a book, I've been jotting down ideas and inspirations everywhere. Whenever I think of something that I either want to mention or that has inspired me, I write it down. All these things have been great in terms of keeping my thoughts flowing. Whereve I go, I have a pad in my purse and I write. Sometimes it's just a few sentences, other times it's pages. But putting it together in a book is much harder work.
But what kind of empowerment coach would I be if I didn't take my own advice. So this weekend I am springing into action, as my blog says. No, I won't be cleaning out my closets, although I did partially clear out my dressers recently. I will be springing into action by taking all of my hand written notes and ideas and putting them together into a coherent file. Today I will be typing...typing...typing!
The idea of sitting here for a long period of time doing that is both exciting and irritating. I have to sit still...for hours! But I'll have accomplished a lot by the time I am done. So, exciting yes for what I'll have, but irritating because sitting still is a little hard.
Wish me luck and please feel free to comment, give me ideas, let me know what you think is important information that other people might benefit from. Thank you!
But what kind of empowerment coach would I be if I didn't take my own advice. So this weekend I am springing into action, as my blog says. No, I won't be cleaning out my closets, although I did partially clear out my dressers recently. I will be springing into action by taking all of my hand written notes and ideas and putting them together into a coherent file. Today I will be typing...typing...typing!
The idea of sitting here for a long period of time doing that is both exciting and irritating. I have to sit still...for hours! But I'll have accomplished a lot by the time I am done. So, exciting yes for what I'll have, but irritating because sitting still is a little hard.
Wish me luck and please feel free to comment, give me ideas, let me know what you think is important information that other people might benefit from. Thank you!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Spring Into Action
Spring is here!
Which also means spring cleaning.
This can be an overwhelming process for some of us. Whether you are cleaning out a single closet or the whole house, or getting your garden ready to bloom, spring cleaning is a great time to practice your organization and prioritization skills. When you look at that clutter do you stand there envisioning all the steps you will take or do you jump right in? Jumping right in may seem like the best way to go sometimes but that can also be more time consuming and stressful.
Here are some tips for spring cleaning that will enable you to focus and enjoy it.
First, prepare your materials (garbage bags, new boxes, donation bags, etc.). Once you have all of these items ready, it's just a matter of filling them up as you go. If you are doing this alone, choose an area that you can handle in a couple of hours. When you come across items that you are not sure what to do with try this; think about how long it's been sitting in that closet. If it's been there for a year, two years, but you haven't really missed it, you probably don't need it taking up any more space (this does not apply to sentimental items, of course).
Having your bags and boxes prepared in advance allows you keep the mess to a minimum as you go through all your old belongings and decorative items. Instead of having all these items strewn about the room, they are already placed where they need to go. This will minimize the stress and sense of being overwhelmed you may get from looking at all that stuff that you need to dig through. Your garbage is already bagged, your donations are already bagged or boxed and you've repackaged the remaining items in a more efficient and space saving container as you go along. Now all you have to do is put those items back in the closet and you're done.
Of course going through these items may be a trip down memory lane so enjoy that. Handle these objects, rememeber why you have them. Let them bring you back. Be in that moment. No matter what you decide to do with some of these items take the time to enjoy them and appreciate them all over again.
If you really feel lost in this process, especially if you need to clear out an entire house, you can hire a professional organizer. Often they will give you tips on how to maintain order, specific to your home.
Which also means spring cleaning.
This can be an overwhelming process for some of us. Whether you are cleaning out a single closet or the whole house, or getting your garden ready to bloom, spring cleaning is a great time to practice your organization and prioritization skills. When you look at that clutter do you stand there envisioning all the steps you will take or do you jump right in? Jumping right in may seem like the best way to go sometimes but that can also be more time consuming and stressful.
Here are some tips for spring cleaning that will enable you to focus and enjoy it.
First, prepare your materials (garbage bags, new boxes, donation bags, etc.). Once you have all of these items ready, it's just a matter of filling them up as you go. If you are doing this alone, choose an area that you can handle in a couple of hours. When you come across items that you are not sure what to do with try this; think about how long it's been sitting in that closet. If it's been there for a year, two years, but you haven't really missed it, you probably don't need it taking up any more space (this does not apply to sentimental items, of course).
Having your bags and boxes prepared in advance allows you keep the mess to a minimum as you go through all your old belongings and decorative items. Instead of having all these items strewn about the room, they are already placed where they need to go. This will minimize the stress and sense of being overwhelmed you may get from looking at all that stuff that you need to dig through. Your garbage is already bagged, your donations are already bagged or boxed and you've repackaged the remaining items in a more efficient and space saving container as you go along. Now all you have to do is put those items back in the closet and you're done.
Of course going through these items may be a trip down memory lane so enjoy that. Handle these objects, rememeber why you have them. Let them bring you back. Be in that moment. No matter what you decide to do with some of these items take the time to enjoy them and appreciate them all over again.
If you really feel lost in this process, especially if you need to clear out an entire house, you can hire a professional organizer. Often they will give you tips on how to maintain order, specific to your home.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Clarifying What Matters To You
Lately, I've been presenting workshops on creating your Visual Empowerment Map. Part of that process includes clarifying your goals. For example, one of my attendees wants to have more leisure time and build a new business. Clarification of the goals came from the realization that leisure time would follow as the business became successful and she could afford to take more vacations, etc. She really only had to work on one thing, not two.
Recently I was invited to a demonstration and offer to join a multi level marketing team (MLM). While the company had a product to sell, the sales pitch was all about just signing up more people to that business in order to earn more money. Interesting, sure. Good earning potential, yup, that was there too. However, I sensed that the woman presenting was having difficulty understanding why I didn't want in on this opportunity.
Lots of people want to earn extra money and I'm guilty of that too! But for me, coaching is where I am most authentic. Leading my workshops and partnering with clients so that they live every day empowered to be who and what they most desire. No product, no MLM can do that for me. It was actually kind of difficult to get this point across but it was important.
Clarifying who you are and what you want most, then going out and getting it, is part of how we become satisfied in our lives. Taking on a business opportunity like the one I was offered is great for a lot of people. But it was not for me. My goal is to build a network of friends, clients, workshop attendees and business associates who are living authentically (whatever that means for them). That's the goal I have clarified for myself.
Deciding what is the best way for you to express your authenticity and reaching your goals (personal and financial) is a journey. It's one you can take on your own, with friends or even with a coach. But it's yours. So whatever you take on, be authentic in your choice. If someone else doesn't understand it then that means they are on a journey different from yours, even if your destinations are the same.
"Do what you love, the money will follow." -Marsha Sinetar
Recently I was invited to a demonstration and offer to join a multi level marketing team (MLM). While the company had a product to sell, the sales pitch was all about just signing up more people to that business in order to earn more money. Interesting, sure. Good earning potential, yup, that was there too. However, I sensed that the woman presenting was having difficulty understanding why I didn't want in on this opportunity.
Lots of people want to earn extra money and I'm guilty of that too! But for me, coaching is where I am most authentic. Leading my workshops and partnering with clients so that they live every day empowered to be who and what they most desire. No product, no MLM can do that for me. It was actually kind of difficult to get this point across but it was important.
Clarifying who you are and what you want most, then going out and getting it, is part of how we become satisfied in our lives. Taking on a business opportunity like the one I was offered is great for a lot of people. But it was not for me. My goal is to build a network of friends, clients, workshop attendees and business associates who are living authentically (whatever that means for them). That's the goal I have clarified for myself.
Deciding what is the best way for you to express your authenticity and reaching your goals (personal and financial) is a journey. It's one you can take on your own, with friends or even with a coach. But it's yours. So whatever you take on, be authentic in your choice. If someone else doesn't understand it then that means they are on a journey different from yours, even if your destinations are the same.
"Do what you love, the money will follow." -Marsha Sinetar
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