Happiness - how can you feel it more everyday?

It's a very rare occassion that I might blog about something with great politcal and social implication. However, that broader context can at times affect our day to day lives and our sense of empowerment. While perusing the various online news magazines this morning I came across an article that made me think about how the social and political environment affects our happiness as individuals.

An article in Newsweek "Blacks are getting happier" makes some great points about increasing happiness. The writer notes that blacks are getting happier and whites are not. While I do not believe any one race ought to have a corner on the happiness markets, there are some valid, tangiable and intangiable, reasons why this is occurring.

"...it is clear that what has changed most are things that we cannot measure, and which spring from rights, heightened status, and erosion of prejudice. Stevenson and Wolfers write: “Our study illustrates that the fruits of the civil rights movement may lay in other, more difficult to document, improvements in the quality of life.” It makes sense that respect and esteem can lift your spirits. It may also translate into an ongoing optimism: a Gallup poll taken this year found 63 percent of blacks thought their standard of living was getting better; 41 percent of whites did."

Another point made is with regard to women, expectations and reality. Women have come a long way in 100 years but stagnation in social attitudes and economic policy frustrates the road to equality still.

So here we are, one day after the 90th anniversary of women gaining voting rights in America and one day before the 47th anniversary of Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech (If you've never heard it in it's entirety I recommend you watch/listen), I ask you to reflect on how far you have come, how far you might need to go, and what you can do to get there.

The value and importance of these two landmark events, the struggles that lead to them, and how we can use this to benefit ourselves and our communities are worth a few minutes of consideration.

Let's get happier!

Here's the link to the article: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/08/27/baird-blacks-whites-and-the-happiness-gap.html?from=rss

Karma?

I have often toyed with the idea of Karma. Whether or not you believe in a higher power, God or what have you, almost everyone believes that there is balance in the universe. At some point, we will be rewarded for our thoughtful and kind behavior. I take this belief seriously for two reasons:
1) I'd rather err on the side of goodness.
2) It feels good to be thoughtful and kind.

In the past few days I have needed to speak with technical representatives about my website about 3 times. With each of these contacts I received a survey in my email to rate my experience.

Luckily, I was very pleased. As I filled out the surveys I thought about how important it was to do so. Not necessarily so the company can "improve customer service" but because the people who worked with me deserved the recognition.

I always take their name down and in the comments section of the survey I refer to him or her by name and explain specifically why I was happy with their help. I also thought about how I would respond if I was not pleased. I considered Karma. If I am not embellishing or speaking through my anger, I am erring on the side of goodness. This will hopefully be returned to me someday in some form when needed. If not it still feels good to be thoughtful and kind.

So, I want to encourage you to please fill out these surveys and use the following tips:
1) Use the reps. name whenever possible in your response
2) Seperate the rep. from the company if your problem cannot be resolved
3) Say something specific about why the rep. pleased you
4) If you were not happy with the rep. say so in an objective and helpful way

There are lots of other ways to let a company or service provier know you are happy/unhappy. But when that survey comes to your inbox consider Karma before you delete it.

Never miss an opportunity to have the Gods smile upon you!

Appreciating differences

In a New York Times opinion piece this week, columnist Maureen Dowd discusses the stunting of our personal growth through our carefully selective approach to association.

I agree with her. In fact, more and more we, individuals that is, close ourselves off from people who do not think like us, or do not come from similar circumstances, share our belief systems, etc. More and more, we are preventing not only our personal growth but our social and societal evolution.

A few years back some social scientists did a study. They presented a group of people, with mixed political views, the opportunity to read some information that they agreed with or read information that was different from their views. In 67% of instances, the respondents chose to read a viewpoint that they agreed with. Now you may say, of course they would. People like to have their ideas validated that is part of the human condition.

But overall, it prevents us from growing, from understanding and respecting one another. Imagine you were in a library, and the only books available were books you already read. How would you learn? You may have beliefs and ideas that will never change or be only slightly modified as you grow older. That's OK. But we have opportunities to learn and build alliances with all kinds of people throughout our lives. We may choose not to once we have all the information, but choosing not to acquire that information will only be a hindrance.

There was an episode of the Twilight Zone where an intemperate man wished everyone were like him. When he awoke the next day his wish came true. He was completely miserable. The world grows and develops and progresses through differences and learning how to live, manage, and respect them. When you have the opportunity to meet or talk to someone who has an opposing viewpoint or appears to fit an unflattering stereotype, take the time to know him or her as an individual. Expand your understanding and it will be returned in the manner of stronger relationships and better understanding of those who inhabit this world.


link to the article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/11/opinion/11dowd.html

Staying Balanced

Balance is one of the most important parts of our lives and it is one of the most misunderstood parts as well. Many people have the tendency to view balance as a black and white issue, not just the give and take of life. For example, when good things happen to you and all around you, it's not uncommon to worry about when it will go away, or when something not so good is going to happen.

But balance is really a game of opportunities, not opposites. If we imagine a scale, not a bathroom scale, but the scales of justice. We have the blindfolded woman holding a scale in her left and right hand. One of those scales is you, the other scale is the world. When you receive good things, they weigh your side down, it's wonderful, but it can be overwhelming. But when failure and disappointment come your way, they still end up on your scale. That's not balance. It's being on the receiving end, constantly. Recognizing opportunities to give back to the world is how real balance is created.

There is an unfortunate truth that good things can be shared but disappointments are tailor made. That's actually not a bad thing because when we feel disappointed or hurt we don't really want to make others feel that way. Those negative situations should not stop you from being in balance and taking advantage of opportunities. You can still create balance by recognizing opportunities to give positive feedback, encouragement, volunteer your time, and any number of things to even out the scales.

So when you are experiencing all the great things the world has to offer, don't worry about something bad, be aware of the opportunity to share with the world and remain in balance.

Unknown Unknowns

This past week there was a five part series on a phenomenon called Anosognosia in the New York Times by Errol Morris. Anosognosia is the term used for people who have a brain injury that causes paralysis AND also leaves them unaware of the paralysis. This is interesting because when you ask someone with this condition to move their paralyzed limb they will simply give you a reason why they do not need to, rather than say "oh you know I can't do that, it's paralyzed." The question for psychiatrists is whether this is part of the injury or some other deeply ingrained defense mechanism. So far the jury is still out.

This got me thinking about ways in which we are unaware of things as well. Don Rumsfeld, several years ago used the phrase "Unknown Unknowns." Some people scoffed at the usage but it has important ramifications, especially in our everyday life. We operate under three conditions:
Known - Knowns; which is the stuff we are aware of and know fully.
Known - Unknowns; which is stuff we are aware of but have no knowledge about (like how to fly a plane or perform brain surgery)
Unknown - Unknowns; these are things in which we aren't even aware of their existence AND we don't know that we are unware of them. A good example of this I think comes from the banking industry. Prior to 2008 few people had heard of a credit default swap and didn't know they'd never heard of it. That is an unknown unknown. Once we heard of it, it became a known unknown. Another exmaple; remember as a child when you first began school. You knew there was such a thing as the alphabet and math but you were very likely unaware of calculus, nor were you aware that you were unaware of it. At some point during middle school or high school the word and concept became known to you, etc.

So what does this all mean? Most of our day is spent operating within the parameters of known knowns, and known unknowns. Sometimes we turn those unknowns (perhaps learning to fly a plane) into a known. But we are often completely oblivious to the fact that we could randomly learn about something that we currently have no idea of it's existence. Sounds confusing? It doesn't need to be. When we find out about something years later (like those default swaps) we say, "why didn't I know that?" or "I can't believe I trusted that guy with my money!" But rather than experiencing guilt or anger at the unknown unknown, it's important to recognize that at the time you made a decision, you made it with all the knowledge that was available to you at that time.

My challenge to you now is, seek out an unknown unknown. How can you do that? In many ways in fact and the internet is a wonderful place to start. Choose a phrase or a period in history or subject like Physics and do a search. You are bound to come across something that makes you think "I never knew that, and I never knew I didn't know it." You can make this journey of discovery fun. Be open, be in learner mode and you'll begin to recognize when something goes from being an unknown unknown to a known unknown and ultimately a known known.

link to the NYT article: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/the-anosognosics-dilemma-1/?scp=1&sq=anosognosia&st=cse

Here's to your health

I don't normally blog about specific health information. But I came across an article written by Dr. Christiane Northrup today and I had to share it. Although she is an Ob/gyn and writes books titled Women's Bodies/Women's Wisdom (which I do recommend), the information she provides in this article is really for anyone.

Please take a look, also you can catch her on TV talking about this very topic.

Here's to your health!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christiane-northrup/osteoporosis-treatment-a_b_585528.html

Expectations...

I was interviewd this week by tennis and mental toughness coach Ed Tseng. We talked about expectations. Expectations are an interesting thing because we live by them very often and more often they are the source of our stress. We either live up to them or we do not, other's live up to ours or they do not. We tend to forgive our friends and family for not living up to our expectations but we are often much harder on ourselves. This goes back to self compassion and self kindness. Are you creating realistic expectations for yourself? Are you being honest about the results of living up to them?

It's important to set goals for yourself and create expectations around those goals. These could be small goals such as daily living endeavors, clean the house, do the laundry, meet with your boss or employees, etc. They could be more future oriented goals such as complete a project and ask for a raise, lose weight, or things of that nature. But what are you saying to yourself in the event that one of these expectations is not met? Are you spending energy on self judgment, name calling, or ruminating on what you did? If you are, then you are being extremely unkind to yourself. When you expend all that energy on the negative, "I'm stupid, why did I do it that way, I can't believe I said that..." you are no longer in a goal reaching state of mind and you've now created a new set of expectations for yourself "I expect to fail!"

Instead, be in "learner mode." Be open and honest about the situation and be ready to create a plan around re-establishing your goal and new expectations about how to reach it. Spending time punishing yourself is using energy and brain power that could be used toward creating a new and better result. So first determine if you are setting realistic expectations for yourself. Then ask yourself if it's useful to beat yourself up or is it more useful to use that energy to move forward.

Please share your experiences about changing expectations for yourself. I'd love to hear about them.