Workshop Roundup

This evening was my workshop at the Sayreville Public Library here in New Jersey. The turnout was great so thanks to you all for coming and participating.

We covered some standard topics such as non-judgmental awareness, self compassion and self acceptance. By and large the biggest issue for most of the participants was parenting related. No big surprise actually. But one question stood out regarding self acceptance and I wanted to share it with you.

The question, which was a great one, was a concern that self acceptance may just be a cop out for messing up. To say it plainly it isn't, but I understand the thinking behind the concern. In truth to gain a level of self acceptance requires an exercise in non-judgmental awareness first. It means seriously evaluating an event with all it's components, including one's own responsibility. Once you do that you make a mental note of what could have been different, what was overlooked, what your responsibility in it was and how to make a similar situation work out differently in the future (it's not absolution, it's learning). Self acceptance comes after we do this and we accept that we are not perfect and do make mistakes and so do others. This of course is easier said (written) than done.

The issue was brought up within the discussion of parenting insofar as it's a convenient way to not take responsibility when not doing all you can as a parent. In this context however, any excuse will do. So true self acceptance is never truly achieved. The final point regarding mistakes and missteps in parenting is that by acknowledging your previous shortcomings and accepting them (after all, you can't go back and change the past) you are not dwelling on them. By not dwelling on them you are more available to your family.

Dwelling or ruminating keeps us locked in this negative place and prevents us from learning and moving forward in a positive manner. Taking the time to honestly review without judgments and awareness that we are not perfect opens us up to new learning. This is what leads to self acceptance and empowerment.

In all that you do, especially as parents, you do the best you can with what you've got. Some people have more than others this is true. However, an honest assessment of what you've got or had after the fact is an insight. But it's not an open invitation to beat yourself up as a parent. You do the best you can with what you've got and if something else comes along down the road that you didn't know was there before you can't go take vacation on the guilt trip lollipop. It's what Don Rumsfeld called "an unknown unknown."

Ultimately self acceptance, as a parent, a friend, a professional or anything else will not be achieved if it's used as an excuse. Because deep down the person "copping out" does not truly accept himself/herself and is rationalizing. True self acceptance occurs when we accept our flaws as well as our strengths internally rather than demanding acceptance externally.

Please post your comments, stories and/or experiences on this topic. I look forward to reading them.

Coaching Workshops in New Jersey

For those of you in the New Jersey area I have two Coaching Workshops upcoming.
The first is short notice, it's this Monday August 17th, from 6:30-8:30pm at the Sayreville Public Library. The topics will be non-judgmental awareness, self acceptance and self compassion.

The next workshop is in September, so there's a little more time to register for that one. That one is Saturday September 26th from 1:00 - 3:00pm. This will be a wellness workshop to discuss and work on food and other health related issues. This is not a diet seminar. This workshop is all about how to enjoy food and not use food for coping or punishment. There will also be other wellness topics such as stress, environmental influence and things of that nature.

Registration is through the Sayreville Public Library. Hope you can make it.

Mood Foods are Good Foods

We hear a lot about diet, exercise, and healthy living. Then we hear about eating disorders, and unhealthy weight. Then we hear about the obesity epidemic in America. There are ways to measure our weight, our waist to hip ratio, our BMI and a whole host of other ways to make us feel good, bad, and indifferent about being healthy. It's enough it make you throw your hands up and wonder what the heck are we supposed to do?

Eat & Be Merry
While it's extremely important to eat right and take care of ourselves we are bombarded with a lot of confusing information. From fad diets to organic food choices it's hard to really know what to do and if we are really making good food choices. In making healthy choices about foods it's important to remember that less (production) is more. Foods that can be grown and picked and eaten are usually the healthiest. OK, foods that come from animals are healthy too. But many foods are mood killers and many others are mood enhancers. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could fill our diets with these mood enhancing selections? We would feel energized and alert and get a lot done in a day. We would be happier too, yes happier!

Studies show that certain mood enhancing foods work on keeping Serotonin floating around in your brain. What's Serotonin? Serotonin is a neurotransmitter. Basically it is one of several chemicals that your brain releases which controls mood. When you have enough, you feel balanced and in a good mood, when you have too little, you become depressed. OK, OK, I know this is not a biology lesson. So let me get to the heart of the matter here. Eating certain foods will boost your Serotonin availability.

Foods rich in Omega-3 fatty acids (salmon, tuna, flaxseed), Vitamin B12 (shellfish, low fat dairy), Folate – which is especially important for women – (oranges, broccoli, soybeans, whole grains), and Vitamin D all help to keep your mood stable.

So what does this mean and how does it relate to empowerment?
Being alert and in a stable or elevated mood will enable you to think clearly and be aware. Aware of what? Of yourself, your surroundings, of people around you and their mood too. You will be more focused and better able to make decisions. Functioning in a stable mood will also enable you to weigh your options with clarity and care and feel confident about your choices. You won't be wondering if you missed anything.

Foods high in processed sugars or processed in general will elevate your mood for a little while. But you will crash shortly thereafter. This will make you feel tired, and sluggish and lower than when you started!! So, instead of eating that 300 calorie mood busting candy bar, eat an orange*. The natural sugars and fiber in an orange will fill you up better than a candy bar. Another healthy choice is an apple with some peanut butter. Quarter the apple, and dab a small amount of natural peanut butter on each slice. This snack is loaded with protein and fiber and is packed with vitamins.

By incorporating these foods and others like them into your daily diet you can feel especially empowered with regards to your health. You can be confident that you are doing something good for yourself. That's a mood enhancer too, and that can make anyone happy.


* you can even drizzle a tablespoon of dark chocolate over the orange wedges if you must. But don't overdo it and stick to dark chocolate, there's antioxidants in it and less sugar than milk chocolate.